Trevas, 07. Year since the Lost Kingdom 381.
To my records,
Lately my emotions have been down. Ever since my epiphany and questioning of death’s survival, little has been crossing my mind. For some reason I’m feeling myself become more melancholy the more I think of it. I’m certain I’ve thought of trying it in my lowest points. But being down like this, I don’t seem to retain much of my perspective of events that have passed.
Once I see my Master again, I have to approach him with this issue. What did he do about it, how did he figure it out if it is indeed true. Or am I foolishly questioning the inevitable and coaxing in and out of letting my mood decide to test this idea.
I don’t know at the moment. I however must wait. I may have to go check upon my Master, even though he said to maintain my training till he returns. I doubt this length of rest was planned.
Either way, I think I need help.
Trueno, 24. Year since the Lost Kingdom 381.
To my records,
Ever since that duel, my Master has seemed somewhat distant. I couldn’t tell whether he ‘planted’ some ‘seed’ within me and is waiting to see what happens, or if he truly was drained afterward and required lengthy rest. I had no idea, but my mind wouldn’t stop buzzing about what I ‘Saw’ when I was unconscious. So I honestly couldn’t rule out the ‘planted seed’ aspect of my self inquiry.
Either way, I must maintain my training; I cannot let up. Not this far, I don’t want all of this be fore naught. Though within the meditation during these left alone days, somethings have come and gone from my mind. Things that I couldn’t have thought of in any other circumstance given my experiences here.
It is hard to distinguish after so many thoughts come and go, they seem quite perishable. But many I recall seem to revolve around one thing: Surviving death. Living passed ones death in other words. Knowing of the laws of Nature: Death is the one true democratic presence within this life.
All beings get it once. Yet I wondered why this would stick in my mind. It is not like it is possible to survive ones death… Is it? I could grasp at no answers. However, afterward I recalled the presence of Magic. Indistinguishable manipulation of ethereal energy both natural and being based. Perhaps this links deeper within beings? Perhaps it can manipulate or in other words, protect and maintain the Soul?
Digressing I begin to further fall to confusion. The only things clear at this point, my drive and my Alvatroce.
Trueno, 19. Year since the Lost Kingdom 381.
To my records,
Today took a very different course. For the Sorcerer had challenged me to a duel. After hearing this, I was taken by insecurity as well as awe for I have no understanding as to why make such a standard. Reluctantly, I allowed myself to accept, for had I declined, I don’t know what would have happened.
We dueled in the evening, after letting me meditate and prepare. It was going to be my first official duel, for the rest were simple skirmishes that could have not been seen as acceptable.
The duel wasn’t very long, I held up better than I had imagined (even though I suspected something ill about my Masters physical state). Obviously I did not take the victory. Quite the contrary, at first thought I could have sworn I died. It was the strangest feeling I had ever endured.
During the duel, we exchanged bursts, redirected bursts, deflected and blocked others. I don’t think I landed a single blow against his body. Though I felt that I was able to diminish his mental energy during the fight.
Then a burst struck me right in my head, channeling the energy into my body knocking me unconscious. During which time, I recall vague thoughts; like dreams. I saw something that took me by surprise, the Sorcerer, but he looked like something else. As if he was undead. I recall a voice talking to me, but I don’t recall what was said. The rest is very foggy, I doubt I could recall anymore at this time, if ever.
Though upon coming conscious again, my Master was meditating. Must have been waiting for me to come to. After which he told me to go rest, for this was a vital part of the training. The way he put it is, this fight was not meant to be won or lost. It was about exhausting your mind and becoming rendered unconscious to get a grasp of the ‘other side’.
I wasn’t sure what he meant by that last part. Did I die? For just a short time? Or was it all in my head, like a psychic burst forcing illusions and memories into my head?
I honestly didn’t have an answer.
Trueno, 12. Year since the Lost Kingdom 381.
To my records,
Compared to last time I wrote, I feel I have improved, in some part. I feel a bit more separated from myself right now, but I don’t feel that ‘anguish’ that I tried to explain. It has been a rough short time, but I think I am finally starting to feel myself and ability growing. Something I thought wasn’t happening.
Though, I cannot figure out the mental anguish nor the ‘separation’ feeling I currently endure, nor if it is related to the feeling of growth.
Though I have noticed a bit of a decline within the Sorcerer. I often wonder if he is straining himself, if his age is getting to him or if something else is up…
Perhaps there is a reason he chose someone for apprenticeship, chose me. Clearly, time will tell.
Trueno, 03. Year since the Lost Kingdom 381.
To my records,
It seems I was not coming ill… It was all in my mind. I feel my mind, in part, breaking. My body seems to be reacting to this, as if my mind’s strength is not restoring by rest or meditation.
I don’t know if this is part of the training, to break me then build me. I may have bit off more than I can chew, but being here now, I cannot go back on this commitment.
With lately, I have become more swollen with melancholy. I don’t understand why I feel that. But I do, and this is a contributing factor to my mind. I cannot negotiate with myself, for something of hate is what I associate towards my reflection of myself.
Out of my call, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I was given time to rest for a day, and instead of improving I got a bit worse.